Sunday, September 18, 2016

Abandoned!

Hallo again, Effurybody!

We know, it's been a long time since Our Last Post, but it's furry hard for little kitty paws to o-purr-ate the computer thingy without Human Assistance, and since Our Human so thoughtlessly deserted Us for Ten Whole Days, just to go traipsing off to England, We had no way of letting you all know of Our Plight!

Yes, kitties, it is All Too True! She decided it was time to go and visit her brother in London, leaving Us to the Evil Machinations Tender Mercies of a kitty-sitter. For this pawpose, She employed her Stepsister, and the Evil Nice Lady Vet's Assistant, Michal, who came on alternate days to feed Us, give Us water, clean out Our Litter-boxes and generally see to Our Welfare.

Mummy was born in England, which is far away over the sea, and in Days of Yore (as She likes to call them), in the time of Possum and Pixie, and of Minxie, who came before Us and who are now at the Bridge, She used to visit there effurry year. But since We came to live with her, She has been abroad only once, two and a half years ago (before Shimshi was born, actually), and She hasn't been back to England for Five Years.


We wondered how She was going to get there, as our Tunnel is much too small for her to use for teleporting. She said She was flying - but that's silly. Humans don't have wings. How can they fly?

Anyway, our kitty-sitters only fed Us once a day, when We are used to being fed three times daily. Of course, our daily portion was a large one -  larger than when Mummy is at hand to measure out our starvation weight-watchers' diet. In fact, Mummy claims We have actually put on weight, but We suspect that is merely an excuse to further reduce the size of Our Meals.


Shimshi was the only one of Us to venture forth when the Temporary Staff were here. He will let just about anyone stroke and pet him - especially when Food is in the offing.





Caspurr was a Real Scaredy-Cat ...

(I was not! I was merely being cautious!)

He hid in the wardrobe whenever he heard a key in the door, and wouldn't come out till he was sure the coast was clear - but he did let Michal stroke him. She knew where to find him because Mummy had betrayed his Secret Hiding Place to the Kitty-Sitters. So Michal came and stroked him and said nice, soothing things to him, but she didn't try to force him to Come Out of the Closet (mol).






But I, Queen Trixie, Empress of Jerusalem, Israel and the Entire Middle East, Guardian of the Boudoir, Alpha Kitty Extraordinaire, was smarter than either of them. Neither of my Temporary Staff caught sight of so much as a single whisker or fur from My Tail, yet I managed to eat as much as my greedy brofurs, and so it was a beautiful, glossy, well-rounded Ladycat, who greeted Mummy on her return from Parts Unknown at the beginning of this week. 






Actually, it was Shimshi who was the first to bring the News that Mummy was home. He called Me and I emerged from my Secure Hiding Place Which Nobody Knows About But Me. But though Mummy called and called, there was no sign of Caspurr. He couldn't believe it was really Mummy at last - until Shimshi went to fetch him and to bring him the news that this was no False Alarm, and that Mummy had finally come Home to where She belongs.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

The Return of the Olympians

Hallo again, Effurryone!

Well, we had a great time in Rio, at the Cat Olympics, but it's good to be back. There's no place like Home, after all.

And, of course, it's high time We updated you on Our Success. 


So, here goes.

First of all, despite furry stiff competition, Our Team walked off with the Gold Medal in the Synchronised Sleeping event. An extra special round of appaws goes to Trixie, who not only captained the Team, but was also Head Coach.

Trixie also took part in two other events. In the Counter-to-Cupboard Combined High Jump/Long Jump, her eye infection affected her co-ordination and she narrowly lost out in the battle for furrst place and was forced to make do with the Silver Medal. However, she more than made up for that with a stunning win in the Ladycats Smackypaws Boxing CATegory, earning a well-deserved Gold Medal.







Caspurr defeated a Purr-sian cat who refused to shake paws with him after the contest, to take Gold in the Bunny Kick-Boxing event. The defeated Silver Medallist afterwards apawlogised, privately, explaining that his Humans had warned him that he was on no account to speak to Israeli cats, on pain of being deprived of all treats till the next Cat Olympics! Under the circumstances, Caspurr furr-gave him, of course. But what horrible Peeps that kitty must have! Can you imagine how much nicer the World would be, if We Felines were in charge?

Finally, on the last day of competitions, Shimshi led Our National Team to victory in the Pawball Finals, thereby earning his second Gold Medal.

Appaws, appaws to all of Our Olympians (even though Trixie was the only one willing to pose for a picture with one of her medals).

And appaws, appaws to all those who competed, whether they took home medals or not.

You are all Champions!





                     

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

The Final Straw

Greetings, Effurrybody!

Today, August 17th, is Black Cat Appreciation Day (in the US, at any rate). I, Queen Trixie, Empress of Jerusalem, Israel and the Entire Middle East, do not live in the US, but I have many, many furr-iends there, and I would like to wish them all the best on this Auspicious Day.  As you know, in the US and some other places (although not in England, where our HuMum was born), black kitties are considered to be harbingers of Bad Luck and so they are less likely to get adopted and more likely to be (whisper) put to sleep and so Humans who love kitties invented this special day to tell effuryone how Wonderful we House Panfurs are and why they should adopt Us.
Naturally, as a Black Panfur myself, this day is a furry impawtant one in my eyes.

Ah. Yes. EYES.
And that brings Me to the reason why, despite the Auspiciousness of the Occasion, I am not feeling furry happy today.

You see, Mummy noticed that my eyes seemed to be a bit teary of late, and on Sunday, she gently mopped the corner of one eye with a piece of white tissue and was horrified to see that the tears appeared to be mingled with blood. So she scooped Me up and carted Me off to the Evil Stabby Place, so that the nice Lady     v-e-t could take a look. And Sure enough, Dr. Einat found an infection. In fact, she said that my lower right eyelid had turned in on itself and my eyelashes were irritating the eye and making the infection worse. So she turned the eyelid out again and put in two tiny staples to keep it the right way, and said that, if I didn't have them out beforehand, she would remove them in a couple of weeks!


But then Mummy said She was afraid I would pull them out and tear the delicate flesh around my eyes so the Evil v-e-t  said She would put a collar round my neck to stop Me doing that.

Kitties, that was Definitely The Final Straw. I saw them taking out the Cone of Shame and prepurring to put it around my Queenly Neck and I decided that they had reached The Limit. I mean to say, Kitties - Enough is Enough.
It was time to Put My Paw Down. And I did, Kitties. In Spades!!!

And when I, Queen Trixie, say NO - I mean NO.

So, here I am, kitties - still stapled, but (breathes a sigh of relief), uncollared:





I know, kitties, I know. Dreadful, isn't it. And it was a bit uncomfortable at first, but I got used to it and I even let Mummy put ointment in My Eye three times a day without any too much Fuss.

Now, I am going to let Caspurr and Shimshi tell you the rest of the News.



********


Thank you, sis Trixie! Okay, Mancats here - Caspurr the Tigger-Tabby King and the Mighty Shimshon aka Shimshi, the Little Purr-ince.
We want to tell you all how We purr-tected Mummy last night.
When Mummy is asleep, We patrol the house, to make sure no Evil Predators get in and hurt Mummy. We don't make a Song and Dance about it, We just get on with it. We usually don't even report to Mummy, so as not to furr-ighten her.

Well, last night, We caught an Evil, Vicious Cockroach who had invaded Our Territory!
Now, Mummy hates roaches just about more than she hates
anything, so We hunted it down and We dedded it and then We gobbled it up, because roaches make a nice, crunchy snack and, as you know Mummy has been starving Us, put Us on a Strict Weight-Reducing Diet (especially Caspurr). Only, for some reason, we find the Hairy Legs less digestible, so one of them was accidentally left in the middle of the living-room floor, where Mummy found it in the morning. Of course, she immediately recognised it for what it was and after loudly exclaiming "Oh, no, no,no!" repeatedly, She turned to Us and told Us what Good Kitties We were for having dedded that nasty old roach.
Then she began 
rushing around spraying insecticide effurrywhere where roaches might be lurking (like under the sink and round the washing machine in the utility room). We understand why, but We would prefurr her to be less "generous" with the insecticide. It spoils the taste of the roaches. We prefer Organic Food (mol).
Then She praised Our Hunting Skills some more and asked Us to be on the lookout, in case any more Horrible Creepy Crawlies were lurking anywhere around the house.
 
Of course, we
knew She would be pleased, which is why, 
even as We were gobbling up the Evidence Mortal Remains of the Enemy, We had decided to leave her an Offering - another hairy leg and a bit of the wing. 


She found Our Gift later - when She was making the bed.




Friday, August 12, 2016

Happy Birthday to ME!

Greetings, Effurrybody!


It is I, Queen Trixie, Empress of Jerusalem, Israel and the Entire Middle East, Guardian of the Boudoir, Alpha Kitty Extraordinaire!

Today is My Birthday! I am Four Years Old today! And just see what a beautiful Birthday Present Mummy bought for Me!

Here it is being checked out by my Security Detail (Caspurr and Shimshi), to make sure it is safe for Me and not Boobytrapped, before I set paw inside:


                                   




And here I am inside it, resting to keep up my strength, before My Birthday Ball, which will take place at midnight tonight (Israel time) in the Grand Marquee in the Enchanted Furr-est. You are all invited, of course. Co-ordinates have been sent to your Transportation Devices. 


                                              



Wasn't it nice of Mummy to buy Me such a beautiful, big, Cardboard Box.
And, as you all know, kitties, I have always believed in the saying "Waste not, want not", so, instead of throwing away the electric fan that was cluttering up My New Box, I let Mummy have it - as a sign of My Appurreciation and Gratitude for having bought Me such a lovely prezzie. 

Well, I am off now to enjoy some more Beauty Sleep.
See you all tonight at the Ball.


Queen Trixie, Empress of Jerusalem, 
etc., etc., etc.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

The Complaints and Calamities of Caspurr

Hallo there, Effurryone!


Well, it happened! I was so hoping She would fur-get, but She didn't. You see, the Evil V-E-T sends her  postcards effurry year to remind her, and sure enough, the other day She said it was MY turn to go for my annual "shots" (I HATE that word, don't you?) and She pushed Me into the Kitty Carrier and hauled Me off to The Torture Chamber   The Evil, Stabby Place Dr. Einat.

As you can imagine, I was Most Displeased. I sang the Song Of My People, furry, furry loudly, all the way there - so loudly, in fact, that the Taxi Driver asked anxiously what was the matter with me. And My Human told him that it was NOTHING, that She was just taking Me for My Annual Checkup and Shots.

NOTHING? N O T H I N G???

It may be Nothing to Her, being shut up in a Cage and taken to A Place You Do Not Want To Be, but I can assure you, it was not Nothing to ME!

I could have done some Real Damage to the Evil V-E-T and her Assistant, with My Magnificent Talons, had I chosen to do so.






But fortunately for them, when all is said and done, I neffur fur-get that I am a GENTLEMANCAT, so I kept my claws sheathed and let them Have Their Wicked Way With Me.

But Worse was yet to come.
I was weighed and found not wanting. In fact, I had gained 600 grams since last year.
Kitties - I weigh 8.5 kilos! And they told Mummy that if she loves Me, She will put Me on a strict diet!  (DIET. That's another word I hate!)

After that, Mummy cut My Meals down to TWICE a day, instead of THREE TIMES!
I complained about that furry vocally and started eating paper and bits of plastic bags to make myself vomit all over the place. Yesterday, Mummy decided to go back to three meals a day, only much smaller.

We'll just see about that (heheheh).





Yours Aggrievedly,

Caspurr, King of the Tigger-Tabbies

Thursday, July 14, 2016

The Further Trials and Tribulations of Trixie



Greetings, Effurrybody!

Furrst of all, I want to remind you all that today, le quatorze juillet, was - is - purr-ecious Pixie's birthday. I mention this because, as I have said before, it was Pixie who chose Me especially and sent Me to Mummy, when Poor Mummy was left with no kitties at all after sweet Possum joined his sisfur Pixie at the Rainbow Bridge nearly four years ago. So I am eternally grateful to darling Pixie Who Went Before, and always remember her and honour her on Her Birthday.

Now, however, I have a Serious Complaint to make about what Mummy did to Me today, of all days!

I was sitting in My Tunnel, minding My Own Business - as you can see from the pictures below.










As I say, I was simply meditating on the  Thought of my "ineffable effable Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name."





And what did Mummy do?
Kitties, She tricked Me!
She produced a handful of My Favourite Crunchy Treats and LURED Me out of my Cosy Nook, and when She had done that, she Kitnapped Me and locked me up in my Kitty Carrier and told Me were were off to visit the Evil V-e-t for my annual Shots!

And as if that wasn't bad enough, kitties, She decided to take Shimshi along too, although his shots aren't due till next month, so as to save time and effort.

Now normally, I settle down quite quickly in my carrier, once the door is shut and I realise it's better to give in with a Good Grace - but Shimshi's presence seriously unsettled Me and We both started rattling the door of Our Prison and trying to get out. And when Mummy tried to pick up the Kitty Carrier, We made ourselves as heavy as We could. In the end, Mummy gave up and decided to take just Me.

Once We got in the taxi, I settled down, as I always do once the car starts moving. But once we got to the Evil Stabby Place, and I saw Dr. Einat preparing THE NEEDLE, I freaked out again and wouldn't let anyone touch Me. And I scratched the v-e-t's assistant Maia and made her hand bleed (once, I scratched her face!). 


So then they put me in that horrid cage which can be made smaller, and they squeezed me inside it and I couldn't move or turn round or anything, and I was afraid they were going to torture Me. But, in the end, the Evil V-e-t just stabbed Me and filled out a form to say I had had my annual shots. She was going to examine my toothies but I wouldn't let her. If anyone had tried, I would soon have shown them just what Purrfect Condition my fangs are in (heheheh).

Oh, and while we were there, I was weighed and Mummy was furry pleased to discover that I have put on almost half a kilo, now that I have got my appetite back. I don't understand why She wants me to get fat, kitties! She, herself, is always complaining about how she has put on weight. So you would think she would understand that I want to retain my lithe, svelte figure!
Well, I shall probably lose that weight again over the next few weeks, because I don't like the new kitty food she got for Us. The shop didn't have any of our usual dry kitty food, so She had to get something else this time. It's called "Happy Cat" - but even though the boys eat it (they don't like it as much as our regular food, but they'll eat just about anything, those greedy mancats), I am furry far from being a Happy Cat and will only eat it because there is no choice. Fortunately, at the weekend, We get Fancy Feast!

So there you have it, Kitties. I think Mummy is out to get Me. What do you think?

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Taking Control Again

Greetings, Effurrybody!

I'm back!

Yes! It is I, Queen Trixie, Empress of Jerusalem, Israel and the Entire Middle East, Guardian of the Boudoir, Alpha Kitty Extraordinaire!

I know, I know, it has been a whole month since any of Us blogged, and even longer since My Imperial Majesty graced you all with my Royal Presence.

It has been so-o-o-o-o hot that none of Us really had the Energy to sit down at the Computer Machine Thingy and write, but Mummy reminded Us that We haven't even updated you on the Results of My Surgery and We really ought to do that, at least.

Well, it turned out that Mummy was Absolutely Right. They did leave some bits in three years ago when they furrst tried to steal my Ladycat Parts. I won't go into details, because it's not Ladycatlike to discuss such things in public. Suffice it to say that We all hope they've done it propurrly this time.

When Mummy went to collect Me, after my surgery, the nice lady v-e-t gave her a Wink and asked her if She wanted the Good News furrst, or the Bad News. Mummy didn't know what to say, so Dr. Einat said: "The Good News is that you were right. We didn't get it all out last time. So We found it quite easily."

Mummy said: "So what's the Bad News" - and the v-e-t said: "You don't have to pay anything".

And Mummy said: "That's not Bad News" - and Dr. Einat winked again and said: "It is for Me".


Anyway, after Mummy took Me home, she fed Me but it must have been too soon, because I was sick and horked up the lot. And then I didn't want to eat or even come out of my kitty-cave all the next day. I did nothing but sleep.
And Mummy was effur so worried, She took Me back to the v-e-t. Dr. Einat fed me some special food with a spatula - food for sick kitties who have lost their appetite - and gave Mummy some to take home for Me. And She didn't charge Mummy for that either.

After that, my appetite started coming back - quite quickly, in fact. By the time I had my stitches out (actually, they were staples), I was even eating more than I had been used to before my surgery.

This is my Tummy with my stitches staples:




It looks awful, doesn't it?

It took weeks before all my beautiful furs grew back propurrly - and when they did, the undercoat of white furs was much more pronounced than before.

After I was fully recovered, I began the process of reconquering My Territory.
Furrst of all, I made it clear to Mummy that, just because Shimshi likes to eat computer cables, that is no reason to ban Me from the Library/Study - which was one of my favourite haunts when I was a little kitty, before the Mancats came along:




Next, I made it clear to my brofurs that I do not appreciate being woken up to join in their boysterous games of Catch-Me-If-You-Can (especially since they seem to think that I am always the One To Be Caught):




Once That Lesson had been learnt, I allowed them to snooze on the Bed or Sofa together with Me:





So now, Things are more or less back to normal.

Before I go, I want to show you all this picture Mummy took at the Supermarket last week.







No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is, indeed, a birdie! 
You might well ask - as We did - what a birdie is doing inside the supermarket.
Mummy thinks it came indoors to enjoy the Air Conditioning and escape the Extreme Heat outside.

Hmmmm - We told Mummy that, next time, She should take Us to the Supermarket with her to help her with the shopping (heh heh heh)...